Well I know it's just a spring haze

Last week wasn't my week. On wednesday I had another talk with my boss and his wife. They were not amused at first and thought my words were one big misunderstanding and quite harsh. In the end I managed to explain to them why I had done what I had done in the way I did. That communication at our school sucks big time. That assumptions are alright as long as you talk about them and not keep them to yourself, or share them with everyone except the person it's about. It was an okay talk, but emotionally draining since they lack so much empathy. They are nice people, but they never explore their feelings more than they feel is necessary and if someone else does, they have no idea how to handle it.

Anyway…when I arrived home later that afternoon, I got a panic call from my school board. Way back in August last year I got this official complaint from a parent. Apparently I was the devil to her daughter etc…etc…After a long 6 months she decided to not drop the complaint. It meant I had to write a statement, which I did and had to correct a couple of times. All was sent to the school's lawyer last month. We were under the assumption that everything would be handled by mail. But the panic call was to inform me that I had to go to Utrecht the next morning, together with my boss, because there would be a hearing. Yeah. We both didn't know it, and I was totally unprepared. Which I hate. I knew I had done nothing wrong and was in my right, but still….a hearing is official.

The hearing took an hour and went okay as far as hearings can go (this was my first one). It was emotional draining though, apparently. We won't know what the outcome will be, we have to wait a maximum of 4 weeks before it will arrive by mail.

All those things drained me, emotionally. Yesterday I had a wedding of my best friend, and it was lovely. But oh god, by the end of the day all I wanted to do was go to bed and sleep for days. Luckily it's the weekend now and I have nothing planned. I also hope this hearing was the last incident I have to deal with for a long time. I could do with some quiet time now.

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Today I had my belated performance interview at work with my boss. He asked me if there was anything I wanted to share/say to which I replied I did. Told him how the past couple of months, with me teaching another class as a substitute teacher was quite intense. But that he also, in one of our talks, had pointed out to me what my qualities are. And that it had me thinking. That I feel like I miss something while teaching etc...That I went exploring and came across children's coaching. That it's a training that I would like to do. I was really calm and felt confident. And it showed and worked cause he instantly told me that if this was something I wanted to do, I should do it and he would try his best to help me out as much as he could financially. It really was an equal conversation we had. He was really positive towards me. Pointed out my qualities again, was saying he didn't really know what a children's coach would be exactly, but that he knew it would be right for me. All in all it was just such an inspiring talk, one in which I felt so confident and strong.

So...next year April, or maybe a bit later, I will start the children's coach training! I finally focus on my future instead of the past. I finally feel confident and strong and hopefully instead of someone who's full of fear and doubt. Which is wonderful.

Also had my final meeting with Emil, the counselor today. Was good too. He told me he was proud of me. I've accomplished so much in the last 9 months. He told me I was a quick student. Seeing him was really one of the best things I could have done. He helped me to get my life back. Of course I also needed to do a lot of work, but he was the right person at the right time to help me figure it all out. Blissful really!