prettygoodyear: (emotions - You suck!)
Holy shit I had such an intense, awful dream this morning before I got up. I had a talk with my boss. We talked about things that had happened previously (in real life we had a teacher meeting about 3 weeks ago in which we had to look at the scores of all of our students, and then had to come up with a plan to better their scores. I was not in the mood because the whole setting was terrible. No focus at all on why a child was behind etc...I told the woman who had organised the whole thing that, and see literally told me to go if my attitude was so negative, because I was holding back the rest of the group. So in my dream last night this real thing was being discussed). 

The conversation started with my boss telling me I was too negative and holding back everyone. I then pointed out I did was he always did: not just following the group, but question things. Ask why we do what we do. I told him I find test scores the least important in educating children. And then he told me I was just too negative and this wasn't going to work out and I was fired, instantly. He told me this usually wasn't how things would go, he was, by law, required to do 9 other sessions to better things and work things out etc..., but this was just for the best he thought. To which I, in all my anger, replied "Oh, so you don't even have any legal rights to fire me?" And I started to wonder if I should hire a lawyer. But I also didn't want all that stress.

And then I packed my belongings. Children were around me, not understanding what I was doing. And then I left and no one knew why. The colleague I share a class with, did know and she tried to give me a hug but I told her I didn't want that now. Outside another colleague walked up to me who noticed me grabbing my bike and asked my why I was leaving. And I told hime I was fired. And he didn't believe me. I got on my bike and rode home. Thinking about everyone, how they would ask where I was, what they would think etc..And I felt upset, because I never thought it would go like this. 

And then I woke up, my heart pounding. 

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prettygoodyear: (random - How Curious!)
 So yeah...not only did the world end, last night  female killer got on the loose and I have no idea why the hell I have these strange dreams. I can't ever remember everything, but it involved colleagues, dark places and detectives falling down to the ground with blood pretty much exploding from their wombs, or something. Freaky it was and at one point I was half-awake and noticed my heart pounding. Too bad I don't remember more details. Oh yeah...fish. Got a gift from the dad of a new kid in class, which turned out to be a box full of fish. I hate fish, btw. An I was also, literally, walking on shells. And it was a comfortable walk, for some bizarre reason. The dream made no sense, whatsoever. Still writing it down though, always funny to read about it later. 

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prettygoodyear: (random text - EEEK!)
 So last night I had this dream which didn't make any sense, but was disturbing. There was some kind of convention? I think. Prince Harry took part in it, for some bizarre reason. Some other people as well. I wasn't following it at all, but then it was on the news and all over the internet. Because there had been a shooting. A few people got killed, including prince Harry. I got a close up of him sitting on a chair, head tilted forward, eyes still open, but dead. There were videos of the actually shooting where people all of a sudden got on stage, wearing a mask, just grabbing people. A woman was dragged on the floor then shot. 

It was terrifying, and all too real and I have no idea why the hell I'd dream a dream like this. Ugh. 

Also: if I don't always comment on your posts, please do know I read them, I just always only reply when I feel like I've got something to say. Just wanted to make that clear. :)
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prettygoodyear: (tv - Top Gear  -kill me now)
Ever since I started to teach, now about 10 years ago I, from time to time, have these nightmares in which none of the kids listen, I yell, yell louder, yell even more louder and still nothing helps. Everyone jumps around, do as they please and it pretty much is one big mess. Whenever I wake up I feel relieved, it was just a dream and though I doubt myself as a teacher so often, it never actually gets that bad.

Well...it never did until yesterday afternoon. I think I was not in an all too best mood, because dear god I've been tired for too long. I heard myself respond to things I could have easily ignored and all would have been fine. But no. I had to make a point somehow? The kids were all over the place that afternoon, not listening at all. I promised them that the final 45 minutes they got to work on the project they so loved. God, it went insane after that. Yelling, running around, just doing as they pleased. Basically all things that always happened in my nightmares and stayed there now came true. It was awful. I felt awful. I even got a girl into tears because I spoke another language than her and misunderstood her. So that involved a dad ranging up after school. I still can't believe this actually happened. It was a small comfort to hear all classes had issues with their kids, but still. This was a super, super low for me. I had a day off today, which was good, but tomorrow I will at least apologize to the girl for getting her upset. Even though I never meant to upset her, still. I remember having these teachers that always clashed with me and pretended they were better than me. I don't want to be like that.

Yesterday was a god awful day, now to be able to just let go and accept it for what it was....
prettygoodyear: (Default)
About 5 or 6 years ago I had this teacher who was real evil and just a wicked witch. I would argue with her all the time cause she told me things that were SO not true. She could easily piss me off and she often left me extremely upset.
Even though I went to school in Amsterdam (an hour away from my town) she happens to live here in my town, so every now and then I come across her, still.

Anyway...last night i had this weird, weird, weird dream about a school party that was held in a castle and all of a sudden she was there. I haven't seen that woman in years, never think about her, but there she was: right in the middle of my dream. And she made a comment about kids. That there are two different kinds of kids and that it's impossible to do something. I can't even remember. But I do remember that she got me extremely mad with that comment. And I tried to tell her otherwise, but she just didn't listen (like she never did) and I got SO upset that I run off, straight into some place I apparently stayed at trying to find my book of thoughts so that I could write down what I was about to say to her.
And then I woke up. And the weird thing is: I still feel my anger.
prettygoodyear: (Default)
When I was young, like, really tiny baby young, I always had this recurring dream. There was a dark street with no street lights on. All the houses were dark too, with no lights on. Except for this one window where bright yellow light was shining. And behind that window was a little girl with long blond curly hair.
Then a big, dark male creature would walk upon that girl and something happened. All of a sudden everything started to spin in my dream with it ending with a rainbow flower near a garbage bin.
Now...this all may sound extremely silly and funny even, but it never was. I had the same dream SO often, that in the end I was afraid to fall asleep. When I was ill, I KNEW I would have the same dream again. For years it went like this, until my mom told me to draw my dream so that we could burn it together. The dream really was gone after that.

But the weird thing is...I never forgot about it, and even today, so many years later, it's still bugging me. I know that as a kid you experience things in a different way than adults. And this one lady told me this dream wasn't meant to be scary at all, but very positive instead. But I never experienced it that way. So...I want to dream that dream again, just once. Just to figure out what really happened, etc...etc...Just to close a chapter. But now that I WANT to dream that dream again, it just doesn't happen...how fucking annoying is that? Hmpf....
prettygoodyear: (Default)

December 2019

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