prettygoodyear: (tv - Top Gear  -kill me now)
Ever since I started to teach, now about 10 years ago I, from time to time, have these nightmares in which none of the kids listen, I yell, yell louder, yell even more louder and still nothing helps. Everyone jumps around, do as they please and it pretty much is one big mess. Whenever I wake up I feel relieved, it was just a dream and though I doubt myself as a teacher so often, it never actually gets that bad.

Well...it never did until yesterday afternoon. I think I was not in an all too best mood, because dear god I've been tired for too long. I heard myself respond to things I could have easily ignored and all would have been fine. But no. I had to make a point somehow? The kids were all over the place that afternoon, not listening at all. I promised them that the final 45 minutes they got to work on the project they so loved. God, it went insane after that. Yelling, running around, just doing as they pleased. Basically all things that always happened in my nightmares and stayed there now came true. It was awful. I felt awful. I even got a girl into tears because I spoke another language than her and misunderstood her. So that involved a dad ranging up after school. I still can't believe this actually happened. It was a small comfort to hear all classes had issues with their kids, but still. This was a super, super low for me. I had a day off today, which was good, but tomorrow I will at least apologize to the girl for getting her upset. Even though I never meant to upset her, still. I remember having these teachers that always clashed with me and pretended they were better than me. I don't want to be like that.

Yesterday was a god awful day, now to be able to just let go and accept it for what it was....
prettygoodyear: (Fresh Green)
So...today we FINALLY had a real Spring day with sunshine and nice temperatures. It was warm and just wonderful! Was waiting for this for too long!

Then...work...yesterday they had 4 people coming over who applied for the job. They picked the girl that can only just start on April 19th. My boss walked up to me this afternoon, casually, asking me if I had heard the news. And then he told me, how happy they were the found someone etc..."So...yeah...April 19th, okay?"

And I just stood there, kept my mouth shut for a bit, trying to think what I'd do or say. And then I just blurted out how I was not okay with it. Told him he should have never asked me anything in the first place, if all I could answer was a "yes" anyway. That it made me feel extremely unimportant and ignored. He didn't understand and it took me a good 5 minutes to get through to him. He still couldn't explain to me why I was the only one who could do this. He tried, but they were all lame answers. Eventually he told me that I pretty much was the only one of our team who could do this. Seriously? There work like 20 people in this school, and they all actually suck at their job? You're really just saying that? He also said he couldn't even do it! WTF? Really now? Lame, lame excuses!

I've got so much on them now though, they owe me SO much this time! They now know they can't actually just mess with me, that I will from now on speak my mind.
Luckily, another colleague overheard my conversation with my boss and was totally on my side. She also said "If you're asking something from someone, you need to prepared to get a no for an answer and deal with it".

To top it all, this other colleague, who has no class to teach but apparently seems to have this other, extremely important function, was bitchy about my back today as well.
School photos were taken, and since I know teach 4(!) different classes, they all asked me to take a group photo with them. So he to take over my class for like 20 minutes or so. He told this other colleague he didn't understand why all that was necessary, was bitchy towards the kids etc...Seriously....you have to teach 20 minutes and you bitch about it? I'll confront him with it tomorrow.

So...basically it's another whole month I'll have to do this crap shit. Which means a whole month full of nights with fucked up sleep, stress etc...

What I don't understand is...how can you just feel good about yourself knowing that someone is not doing too well. How can you be so ignorant about it? Never a "gosh, so sorry to hear this, is there anything I can do to make it at least a little better for you?". But only a "deal with it" answer. I just don't get it. But boy does everyone owe me BIG time this time. And never EVER again this crazy stuff.
prettygoodyear: (Default)

December 2019

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