Well I know it's just a spring haze

Things to enjoy most about long holidays:

1. Late nights.
2. Getting up when your body is ready, instead of getting woken up by an annoying alarm.
3. Sunshine and warm weather.
4. Freedom.
5. A clear mind.

People often say that a job/work gives them a purpose. Without that they feel incomplete, something seems to be missing from their lives and they feel less alive.
Yeah. Not me. I've learned, through all those years that I've been working, that I feel most alive and complete when I can just 'be'. Just being able to do things at my own pace is giving me a lot of energy. Not being required to do things I don't want to helps me to clear my head.

Just before the summer holidays started, a few colleagues at work were talking about how we could maybe do with less holidays. Because children often get behind schoolwork after a few weeks and it was just a hassle for so many parents. And I disagreed. Told them I feel like the word holiday has become some sort of dirty word. You can't possibly enjoy having long times off doing not a whole lot but just be. The outside world tries to fell us that a working mentality is the best mentality. What a load of crap. Sure, if you love what you're doing, please go on with it. But don't forget to just live as well. So many people are scared of the quiet, the not doing anything. The hide behind their work because then they don't have to think about anything else, they don't have to be alone with themselves. Something I enjoy a lot.

Seeing Emil, the counsellor, has made me question a lot of things about myself. Because even though the things posted above are truly me, I often doubt it so much. Is it good enough? My major issue with life and myself is "Am I good enough/ do I not disappoint?" I so often let other people control my life, it is not even funny. There is still so much guilt living inside of me about just being 'me'. This long holiday is, however, allowing me to go exploring that. I have nothing else to think about which is what I need so much. One day I'll get there, be happy to be me, being able to also really be me. One day there will be no more guilt or self loathing and this holiday is yet another of many that helps me to get there, eventually.

Also, something totally unrelated (although, it is really me!): how cool is this? I am seriously considering to have that installed in my living room.



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Today I had my belated performance interview at work with my boss. He asked me if there was anything I wanted to share/say to which I replied I did. Told him how the past couple of months, with me teaching another class as a substitute teacher was quite intense. But that he also, in one of our talks, had pointed out to me what my qualities are. And that it had me thinking. That I feel like I miss something while teaching etc...That I went exploring and came across children's coaching. That it's a training that I would like to do. I was really calm and felt confident. And it showed and worked cause he instantly told me that if this was something I wanted to do, I should do it and he would try his best to help me out as much as he could financially. It really was an equal conversation we had. He was really positive towards me. Pointed out my qualities again, was saying he didn't really know what a children's coach would be exactly, but that he knew it would be right for me. All in all it was just such an inspiring talk, one in which I felt so confident and strong.

So...next year April, or maybe a bit later, I will start the children's coach training! I finally focus on my future instead of the past. I finally feel confident and strong and hopefully instead of someone who's full of fear and doubt. Which is wonderful.

Also had my final meeting with Emil, the counselor today. Was good too. He told me he was proud of me. I've accomplished so much in the last 9 months. He told me I was a quick student. Seeing him was really one of the best things I could have done. He helped me to get my life back. Of course I also needed to do a lot of work, but he was the right person at the right time to help me figure it all out. Blissful really!

Today was just an "all-good-day". Visited this awesome, H U G E museum with my dad today which so many cool things to touch and try that i felt a kid again AND IT WAS GREAT!
Went to the beach as well. Always love it there, it wasn't crowded at all, so we just sat there, watching the water moving towards us etc...AND I went to see a cousin of mine i hadn't seen in like 3 years.
All in all today was just all good :)

L O V E days like these, they are the best!