Well I know it's just a spring haze

Things to enjoy most about long holidays:

1. Late nights.
2. Getting up when your body is ready, instead of getting woken up by an annoying alarm.
3. Sunshine and warm weather.
4. Freedom.
5. A clear mind.

People often say that a job/work gives them a purpose. Without that they feel incomplete, something seems to be missing from their lives and they feel less alive.
Yeah. Not me. I've learned, through all those years that I've been working, that I feel most alive and complete when I can just 'be'. Just being able to do things at my own pace is giving me a lot of energy. Not being required to do things I don't want to helps me to clear my head.

Just before the summer holidays started, a few colleagues at work were talking about how we could maybe do with less holidays. Because children often get behind schoolwork after a few weeks and it was just a hassle for so many parents. And I disagreed. Told them I feel like the word holiday has become some sort of dirty word. You can't possibly enjoy having long times off doing not a whole lot but just be. The outside world tries to fell us that a working mentality is the best mentality. What a load of crap. Sure, if you love what you're doing, please go on with it. But don't forget to just live as well. So many people are scared of the quiet, the not doing anything. The hide behind their work because then they don't have to think about anything else, they don't have to be alone with themselves. Something I enjoy a lot.

Seeing Emil, the counsellor, has made me question a lot of things about myself. Because even though the things posted above are truly me, I often doubt it so much. Is it good enough? My major issue with life and myself is "Am I good enough/ do I not disappoint?" I so often let other people control my life, it is not even funny. There is still so much guilt living inside of me about just being 'me'. This long holiday is, however, allowing me to go exploring that. I have nothing else to think about which is what I need so much. One day I'll get there, be happy to be me, being able to also really be me. One day there will be no more guilt or self loathing and this holiday is yet another of many that helps me to get there, eventually.

Also, something totally unrelated (although, it is really me!): how cool is this? I am seriously considering to have that installed in my living room.



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