I often feel I don't belong on this planet. And by that I mean I really don't belong. Because my thoughts, inner world and feelings are so different to 95% of this world. Quite often I'm homesick, want to go home to this other place where I do belong. When I see/hear politicians talk I often sigh. This is not how life is meant to be. I often want to run away, but always realise there really is nowhere to go. Wherever you go, you're still on this planet.
I have vivid memories of other places, can feel/taste/smell what it is like there. And it always makes my heart ache a lot, because living on this planet always feels like such a huge step backwards. I often feel restricted, while I desperately need and long for freedom. Freedom of traveling, of just be.
My mom told me she thought I had those feelings when home alone: I need to get out more, get more social. Truth is: I feel this way the most while about to go to work, do things that are required of me. When I'm alone, wherever that may be, surrounded by books, sunshine and music, I'm at my best.
There has to be a reason why I'm here, but I haven't figured out what it is though. I'm done with my teaching job, but have no idea what else I could be doing that would give me energy and happiness. And there are still bills to be paid. I often feel like I'm stuck, am a prisoner of my own life. And I know we all are free to decide what to do with our lives, but somehow that freedom feels fake. Because it doesn't feel like real freedom. But maybe I'm blindsided by my feelings and thoughts that I am just not able to see different perspectives.
Hmmm....rather negative post this is, but I have been stuck in this feeling for too long and just don't know how to get out of it anymore.
This entry was originally posted at http://prettygoodyear.dreamwidth.org/247484.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
I have vivid memories of other places, can feel/taste/smell what it is like there. And it always makes my heart ache a lot, because living on this planet always feels like such a huge step backwards. I often feel restricted, while I desperately need and long for freedom. Freedom of traveling, of just be.
My mom told me she thought I had those feelings when home alone: I need to get out more, get more social. Truth is: I feel this way the most while about to go to work, do things that are required of me. When I'm alone, wherever that may be, surrounded by books, sunshine and music, I'm at my best.
There has to be a reason why I'm here, but I haven't figured out what it is though. I'm done with my teaching job, but have no idea what else I could be doing that would give me energy and happiness. And there are still bills to be paid. I often feel like I'm stuck, am a prisoner of my own life. And I know we all are free to decide what to do with our lives, but somehow that freedom feels fake. Because it doesn't feel like real freedom. But maybe I'm blindsided by my feelings and thoughts that I am just not able to see different perspectives.
Hmmm....rather negative post this is, but I have been stuck in this feeling for too long and just don't know how to get out of it anymore.
This entry was originally posted at http://prettygoodyear.dreamwidth.org/247484.html. Please comment there using OpenID.