Really. REALLY! If the Guinness Book of Records had an entry for most lazy, procrastinating person ever, my name would be next to it. Dishes. Laundry. Vacuuming. Dusting. Window cleaning. I think I can see bits of spider webs in some places. Really.
Holiday is coming to an end alright, a great time indeed to clean the house. But I didn't do it. In fact...I didn't do much at all these weeks. Except for going to Ireland. Watch loads of Buffy. Read. Watch Celebrity Master Chef. Be incredibly lazy. It's actually a good thing I do have a job, otherwise I'd soon feel like a worthless piece of shit I'm sure. Sigh. I lack all sorts of motivation to do household things. Tomorrow. TOMORROW! Tomorrow I will do the dishes, do a good bit of dusting and vacuuming. I will finally do that laundry. I will finally clean up the bedroom. I will make my house look clean again. I will. So that I at least will feel a wee bit better about myself again. I did do some garden work though...that's at least *something*
But I envy those people who are able to just keep their homes clean at all times, who aren't as lazy and often boring as me. I've got no discipline whatsoever.
To keep the rant on going about my failure life. Some people have achieved so much in the past 5 years: got married, become a mom etc... (my sister for example). What did I do these past 5 years? These past 10 years even? One of the reasons I skipped the school reunion last year, was because I actually was quite ashamed of my life. Still not in any kind of relationship, and never will be no doubt. Still acting as a teenager most of the time instead of someone who's 31. I so often still live in the past and forget we're not there anymore that I feel I haven't been able to grow as a person much. I'm still that little teenage girl most of the time. I lack friendship skills. Like...one thing I achieved in the past 10 years is actually losing pretty much all of my friends.
Sigh...I know I achieved some things, for sure. But they seem so small, so unimportant. I often feel like I don't do enough to get the most out of my life. I'm still scared that one day I'll die and they tell me "well, gotta back again girl cause boy did you fuck up your life!"
Guess it's just one of those days...in which I feel suckworthy a lot because I've been too lazy, too boring, too messy. It will pass. I wonder where I'll be 10 years from now...or maybe I really don't.
Holiday is coming to an end alright, a great time indeed to clean the house. But I didn't do it. In fact...I didn't do much at all these weeks. Except for going to Ireland. Watch loads of Buffy. Read. Watch Celebrity Master Chef. Be incredibly lazy. It's actually a good thing I do have a job, otherwise I'd soon feel like a worthless piece of shit I'm sure. Sigh. I lack all sorts of motivation to do household things. Tomorrow. TOMORROW! Tomorrow I will do the dishes, do a good bit of dusting and vacuuming. I will finally do that laundry. I will finally clean up the bedroom. I will make my house look clean again. I will. So that I at least will feel a wee bit better about myself again. I did do some garden work though...that's at least *something*
But I envy those people who are able to just keep their homes clean at all times, who aren't as lazy and often boring as me. I've got no discipline whatsoever.
To keep the rant on going about my failure life. Some people have achieved so much in the past 5 years: got married, become a mom etc... (my sister for example). What did I do these past 5 years? These past 10 years even? One of the reasons I skipped the school reunion last year, was because I actually was quite ashamed of my life. Still not in any kind of relationship, and never will be no doubt. Still acting as a teenager most of the time instead of someone who's 31. I so often still live in the past and forget we're not there anymore that I feel I haven't been able to grow as a person much. I'm still that little teenage girl most of the time. I lack friendship skills. Like...one thing I achieved in the past 10 years is actually losing pretty much all of my friends.
Sigh...I know I achieved some things, for sure. But they seem so small, so unimportant. I often feel like I don't do enough to get the most out of my life. I'm still scared that one day I'll die and they tell me "well, gotta back again girl cause boy did you fuck up your life!"
Guess it's just one of those days...in which I feel suckworthy a lot because I've been too lazy, too boring, too messy. It will pass. I wonder where I'll be 10 years from now...or maybe I really don't.
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