Not the end of all things...

23 May 2015 22:04
prettygoodyear: (random text - EEEK!)
 ...just a small beginning? 

As much as I still want to just quit my job altogether, it isn't realistic. I have no options besides the job I have now, I have no idea what direction to head into. I could just quit and see where it would lead me, but I don't have the courage to take that risk. 

What I did do, is cut my hours. I will work 3 days again instead of 5. That will result in money loss, but I'll manage. I just can't work 5 days in a row. I mean, I can, I can handle it, but I don't want to anymore. I want my freedom, more me-time etc...I've missed that this year. The money was lovely and all, but work wasn't. 

It's scary though, because it means they need to hire someone new for the hours I will work less. It means a new colleague, someone I need to work closely with. That's the part that I find a bit scary, although if they won't find anyone that feels right, I'll keep on working my hours, because I can't handle the stress of working with someone who doesn't feel right. 

We shall see. If I made the right decision, I'm sure we'll find someone right. If not...than perhaps I didn't decide well? 
This entry was originally posted at http://prettygoodyear.dreamwidth.org/287644.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
anxious
Mood:: anxious
Tags:

Anxiety (Frits the cat is ill pt 4)

23 February 2015 20:42
prettygoodyear: (random text - EEEK!)
I still don't know what's wrong with Frits. The vet called this evening to inform me that the specialist who was supposed to look at the x-rays was in Sweden, but that hopefully they would know more tomorrow. Today he started coughing again and he also makes a lot of noises when he is sitting down. His breathing is sometimes alright, sometimes still too fast. He still eats though, he even welcomed me home today and walked outside for a while. So it's hard to tell how well he is.

And me? The not knowing part is doing my head in. I hear every sound, see every movement. Is it his heart? Is it a tumor? Are the AB's enough? Are the fluids back in his lungs? Is he in pain? Last night I left him downstairs in the living room, instead of taking him upstairs, like old times. I needed some sleep, but gosh, I felt scared. And then this afternoon I went into town for a bit but didn't know how to return home soon enough. I'm anxious 24/7. Happy when he eats, or seems to breathe normally, but anxious when I notice a difference. Again: not knowing what is wrong with him, is the hardest part.

Hopefully I'll know more by tomorrow. So that I can focus on whatever it is he's dealing with. And so that I can loose some of the anxiety, because I hate feeling this way.

This entry was originally posted at http://prettygoodyear.dreamwidth.org/284591.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
anxious
Mood:: anxious
Tags:

Tense

15 February 2015 22:43
prettygoodyear: (random text - EEEK!)
 I had a full, though fun weekend. My nieces were wonderful, as always. We went to an aircraft museum and also to the pool. 

But because of a full weekend and working fulltime and a stressful, full week ahead of me my anxiety is huge right now. I can't control my breathing and my heart is constantly pounding. I have parent meetings this week, someone is coming to observe a lesson of mine, which I dread because low self-esteem and just...I don't like being watched. At the end of the week 2 colleagues of mine will be on an early break which means we don't have any leading characters at work, which means I have to go on no matter what. I usually do, but just the fact that there is no other option isn't helping my anxiety. 

I'm just counting the days till the end of the week, because then I have a week off. But god I don't want any of this right now. 
This entry was originally posted at http://prettygoodyear.dreamwidth.org/283286.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
anxious
Mood:: anxious
Tags:
prettygoodyear: (Default)

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