Nothing I do is good enough for you

How can you be loved by someone when you can't even love yourself? There's still so much loathe, dislike, hate, disappointment inside of me that I feel for myself. So little love for myself, even for that little girl I once was. So much shame. So much guilt. And what for? What did I ever do to think and feel this way? Nothing I do ever seems to be good enough, nothing I do ever seems to be okay. There's always the criticism, the doubt. There's so little love I feel for myself it makes my heart ache so much.

To always, always have this voice in my head telling I'm no good, telling me what I do wrong, what is wrong about me, what I should be ashamed off, what I should feel guilty about. Constantly, constantly going on and on and on and on. Hardly ever the thought "You did well" or "You're wonderful". Those thoughts are always covered up with other thoughts "Maybe I shouldn't have said that" "Maybe I should have done this" "I did it all wrong" "It's all my fault" "Look at me...such failure" "I could have done better"

Always and forever...I so desperately want to get it all to stop. So desperately want to love myself, be okay with myself. I want to be proud of me, no matter what. I don't want the guilt and shame anymore but I find it so hard to get rid of it.

I need help. I can't do this all on my own anymore.