I'll turn 31 in two months. I've been living on my own for a good 6 years. But I never really got away from my mom and dad. I've never been fully aware of it, in a way it always felt kinda safe too. But the last couple of weeks I started to feel a bit uncomfy about little things about my life and myself but still couldn't my finger on it. Then last week, on New Year's Eve, I got mad at my mom for a reaction she gave me. And then got even more mad for the reaction she gave me because I got mad. But then she insisted on me contacting her to get back to her about what happened. And then when both my mom and dad not really turned against me, but yet in a way did a couple of days later I realized that for too long I've allowed them to keep me 'small'. For too long I've still been this little girl. Acted like one too. Was still too dependent on them, but also just still took what they said for the one and only truth, which would often just take me down. I've just never been too aware of it. Never really wanted to let go either. But now I just do. My mom isn't right about everything and I should have every right to say so. And if she's upset by it, then I shouldn't turn it into my issue. Something I've always done.
This afternoon she sent me an email, asking me if I had found the time to put things on paper for her, as I promised. She put some other stuff with it, which she all meant well, but like a colleague so lovely told me this afternoon "in a therapeutic way". She's not my therapist and she shouldn't act like one. She wants me to tell what my issues are, what's right for me. But it's time for her to let go of that. To let me live my life and be okay with it. Accept that I really am an adult and actually have been for many years.
I just wrote her back saying I needed time to figure things out myself. And that I don't know when to get back to her. I think we might end up disagreeing and fighting loads this year, but you'll never know...
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Yeah, and then last night I had this crazy dream I think I just need to write down. It started with me and a bunch of people I don't know who tried to help Hurley (Lost) escape from something. Which took a couple of tries but then in the end we just ran into a crowd and then got out. Then we ran and ran and all of a sudden I was with Hermione and Ron and Harry and we were running through London. Hmm....weird. Then I was some kind of subway/underground and ended up on top of a building, with loads of windows. I was there with another bunch of people who I have now no idea about who they were. The building was all sorts of things, but it was also a scary one, cause it was placed on the edge of something and looked as if it could just fall down any minute. Oh. And in between that I think I was in Ireland as well, on the Dingle peninsula.
Anyway...eventually it turned out my old high school teacher was in the same building as me, but a level below. She was there with her two kids and new husband and somehow I managed to follow her, but she wouldn't notice me. Then right before the dream would come to and end, I decided to go downstairs and at least just say hi to her. I ran past her at first, cause I wanted to pretend I didn't see her (???) and went into the toiler for a bit, then walked outside and touched her on her feet and said 'hi'. She was happy to see me, but in my dream she also acted like we were meant to be meat/had an appointment, cause she asked me if I'd been there for long, to which I replied I'd been busy with other people first.
I think I then woke up. A dream full of crazy things, but could still remember it after over 12 hours so decided to write it down.
This afternoon she sent me an email, asking me if I had found the time to put things on paper for her, as I promised. She put some other stuff with it, which she all meant well, but like a colleague so lovely told me this afternoon "in a therapeutic way". She's not my therapist and she shouldn't act like one. She wants me to tell what my issues are, what's right for me. But it's time for her to let go of that. To let me live my life and be okay with it. Accept that I really am an adult and actually have been for many years.
I just wrote her back saying I needed time to figure things out myself. And that I don't know when to get back to her. I think we might end up disagreeing and fighting loads this year, but you'll never know...
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Yeah, and then last night I had this crazy dream I think I just need to write down. It started with me and a bunch of people I don't know who tried to help Hurley (Lost) escape from something. Which took a couple of tries but then in the end we just ran into a crowd and then got out. Then we ran and ran and all of a sudden I was with Hermione and Ron and Harry and we were running through London. Hmm....weird. Then I was some kind of subway/underground and ended up on top of a building, with loads of windows. I was there with another bunch of people who I have now no idea about who they were. The building was all sorts of things, but it was also a scary one, cause it was placed on the edge of something and looked as if it could just fall down any minute. Oh. And in between that I think I was in Ireland as well, on the Dingle peninsula.
Anyway...eventually it turned out my old high school teacher was in the same building as me, but a level below. She was there with her two kids and new husband and somehow I managed to follow her, but she wouldn't notice me. Then right before the dream would come to and end, I decided to go downstairs and at least just say hi to her. I ran past her at first, cause I wanted to pretend I didn't see her (???) and went into the toiler for a bit, then walked outside and touched her on her feet and said 'hi'. She was happy to see me, but in my dream she also acted like we were meant to be meat/had an appointment, cause she asked me if I'd been there for long, to which I replied I'd been busy with other people first.
I think I then woke up. A dream full of crazy things, but could still remember it after over 12 hours so decided to write it down.
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