I just got back from the children coaching weekend. I'm overwhelmed. It was extremely intense. Group contained 12 people, which was actually quite big, because we were in a not too big room. Not too small either, just not big. When I arrived by bus, I happened to be in the bus with someone else who wanted to take the course, so that was nice. Meeting the rest of the group inside was, once again, overwhelming. I didn't think it would be this overwhelming, but it completely shut me down. Some people were extremely loud, others were a bit more quiet. Some people already knew each other (they signed up together) which I something I find even more difficult to handle because how do you fit in with that?
Anyway...I did learn I really need a long, long time to open up and be comfortable enough to just be me...or...no...to be more talkative. There were some people I connected with a bit, but all in all it was all so overwhelming that at one point I think I completely blocked.
The information we got was a lot. Good, welcome information, but a lot. Which also blocked me at one point. I couldn't take in any more new information.
The first day we got information about really basic, historic stuff about the development of children etc...Interesting, but also things I did know.
What I didn't know was that by the time you are born, 90% of who you are, your character etc...is already what it is. Nature over nurture. The other 10% is something that will change through the years.
Today we talked about the importance of family. Something I learned when I visited Emil a couple of times, but this time we went deeper inside the material. Really, really interesting. Family guilt is something we all deal with, generation by generation. There's even city guilt, country guilt etc...Today was a day I enjoyed a lot more because it was something that really interests me and I want to learn more about.
Anyway...I think I can say it was a good weekend. I'm just a bit disappointed with myself though I guess, for not really being able to just be me. I just didn't know how to handle all the impressions that came through all at once. That's okay, really, but yeah...a big part of me is still busy trying to please others. I still don't want to be remembered as the quiet girl who no one got through. Then again...I have my opinions about all of them as well.
But yes...I'm so overwhelmed now. I got home and I nearly cried. Felt like I had been away for like forever, but it was only for 1 night. Time doesn't make sense right now, it doesn't feel like a Saturday and right now I mostly feel completely lost somehow.
It's been long I've been this overwhelmed and overstimulated.
But I've got 2 weeks to think it all through again. Am looking forward to the next weekend, though hope it won't be as intense as this weekend.
