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25 August 2004 20:38![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
prettygoodyearI think I actually don't care for it anymore . I did for so long, but I don't anymore. I'm not designed for friendships, ha. Or, I don't get the golden rules or just don't like them much, haha. Maybe it actually works this way: people only calling you when they want something from you. I dunno...maybe I always expected something from a friendship that can never be reached because it doesn't work that way. If that's the case though, then I'm not interested in it. I always wanted to have a friend who showed real interest in me. Not only when I asked for some friendship time, but also just because they would really care. I've asked for friendship time too many times, but I can't be bothered anymore actually. It's too confusing as it is anyway, so I think I'm going to be perfectly happy with just myself. I will have a chat with people every now and then, but I will never ever expect anything from anyone again. Ever. Expecting something from someone is like poison really, cause it's not fair to expect anything from anyone. That's so selsh even.
I dunno...maybe I see it all wrong, well, so it be. This is my journal, so let me vent. Do i feel sad? no not at all even. Hurt? Yes, otherwise I wouldn't write this down I guess. But I've decided today not to care for it anymore. It's not worth it, people are not worth it and those so called friendships are totally not worth it. If you wanna talk to me: go ahead, I may not always talk back though. If you want something from me: just ask, but expect to get a no for an answer. If you think you're a friend, think twice, we call each other friends too soon anyway. Even when we only have a cup of coffee together, we like to call each other friends. It's a dangerous word, lol.
Am I bittered? No, I may sound like it through this post, but i'm not. Not at all even. I just made up my mind, only to protect myself for a change. Allowing yourself to get hurt once is painful, but allowing yourself to get hurt over and over again is just plain stupid, lol.
Does this post sound cruel? Maybe so...but then again, it's my livejournal, i'm allowed to post whatever the fuck I want in here!
And who knows, maybe five years from now i'll see the light and notice what it was i did wrong all the time, or what i refused to see. Until then: I'll just handle it my way, ha!
I dunno...maybe I see it all wrong, well, so it be. This is my journal, so let me vent. Do i feel sad? no not at all even. Hurt? Yes, otherwise I wouldn't write this down I guess. But I've decided today not to care for it anymore. It's not worth it, people are not worth it and those so called friendships are totally not worth it. If you wanna talk to me: go ahead, I may not always talk back though. If you want something from me: just ask, but expect to get a no for an answer. If you think you're a friend, think twice, we call each other friends too soon anyway. Even when we only have a cup of coffee together, we like to call each other friends. It's a dangerous word, lol.
Am I bittered? No, I may sound like it through this post, but i'm not. Not at all even. I just made up my mind, only to protect myself for a change. Allowing yourself to get hurt once is painful, but allowing yourself to get hurt over and over again is just plain stupid, lol.
Does this post sound cruel? Maybe so...but then again, it's my livejournal, i'm allowed to post whatever the fuck I want in here!
And who knows, maybe five years from now i'll see the light and notice what it was i did wrong all the time, or what i refused to see. Until then: I'll just handle it my way, ha!
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Date: 26/8/04 07:42 (UTC)no subject
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Date: 26/8/04 09:58 (UTC)luvu!
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Date: 26/8/04 12:32 (UTC)