Hmmm...I'm turning 28 in less than a month. About 10 years ago someone told me that at 28 you enter a second stage of life, and I'm starting to believe she was right.
I feel so restless again these days, I keep having weird and strange dreams. I've had several dreams in which I got married, and last night I was pregnant.
And then there's just this restless feeling I'm experiencing. Trying to explore my most inner feelings, trying to figure out who I am and who I want to be. For a long time I just *lived* my life, thinking I did it all correct, but these days...I dunno...I start to doubt certain things.
Not too long ago I read this question: "What is it that makes you, you?" and I still haven't been able to answer that question. I always thought I was true to myself, but the truth is: I've got no idea who I am. I'm scared of doing what I really want, and therefor I have forgotten what it is that I really want.
Funny..a few years ago I seemed to be so much wiser and more into my life. So many things just made sense and I never really doubted them, but these days...
And shouldn't it be the other way around? I was more confident during puberty than I am now.
For a little while I was doing just okay again, but lately it feels like I'm not 'there' anymore. It's uncomfortable to feel like this, cause it's a feeling that makes me feel homesick a lot. It's moments like these I just want to run away and hide.
It's interesting to explore yourself, but so scary as well. I, for instance, discovered I still have this fear inside of me that won't go away and it's almost traumatic. Cause certain sounds, or people or objects trigger the feeling.
It's days like these I wish there was someone out there who could just tell me this and that, and who would be able to make me feel okay again. Cause obviously, I'm still not okay. And right now I just wish I was still living with my parents, with my sister there as well. It's moments like these where I go back in time, back to my old bedroom at the attic, where I was safe, and where I felt truly happy and at home. Isn't that silly though? Cause I've been living on my own for over 3 years now.
I feel so restless again these days, I keep having weird and strange dreams. I've had several dreams in which I got married, and last night I was pregnant.
And then there's just this restless feeling I'm experiencing. Trying to explore my most inner feelings, trying to figure out who I am and who I want to be. For a long time I just *lived* my life, thinking I did it all correct, but these days...I dunno...I start to doubt certain things.
Not too long ago I read this question: "What is it that makes you, you?" and I still haven't been able to answer that question. I always thought I was true to myself, but the truth is: I've got no idea who I am. I'm scared of doing what I really want, and therefor I have forgotten what it is that I really want.
Funny..a few years ago I seemed to be so much wiser and more into my life. So many things just made sense and I never really doubted them, but these days...
And shouldn't it be the other way around? I was more confident during puberty than I am now.
For a little while I was doing just okay again, but lately it feels like I'm not 'there' anymore. It's uncomfortable to feel like this, cause it's a feeling that makes me feel homesick a lot. It's moments like these I just want to run away and hide.
It's interesting to explore yourself, but so scary as well. I, for instance, discovered I still have this fear inside of me that won't go away and it's almost traumatic. Cause certain sounds, or people or objects trigger the feeling.
It's days like these I wish there was someone out there who could just tell me this and that, and who would be able to make me feel okay again. Cause obviously, I'm still not okay. And right now I just wish I was still living with my parents, with my sister there as well. It's moments like these where I go back in time, back to my old bedroom at the attic, where I was safe, and where I felt truly happy and at home. Isn't that silly though? Cause I've been living on my own for over 3 years now.
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