just got a phonecall
13 July 2004 14:20![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
prettygoodyearfrom my boss. One of my colleagues has found herself another job (sadly, cause she was so much fun to work with!). So now they need to start looking for a new teacher to take over her job. He called me first to ask me if I would be interested in the job. And i just don't know...I feel SUCH a stupid bitch about it, but i just don't know. I don't wanna lose my old class, so it means I don't want to take over her class full time.
But there's this other feeling as well...fear maybe, I dunno. I just can't think clear anymore. I hear all these people go on like: "great chance, take it! You'll be stupid to let this one go" and on and on and on. I don't even know what my own thoughts are, what I want. And then there's the feeling of disappointing other people when I say no. Will they think i'm just weak, will I be a loser for life?
Damn...I wish i wouldn't doubt so much all the time, I wish I wouldn't think for other people, but just do my own thing, not caring so much about other people's opinions etc...But I still don't know how to change that and right now it's just fucking up my whole day...F U C K
But there's this other feeling as well...fear maybe, I dunno. I just can't think clear anymore. I hear all these people go on like: "great chance, take it! You'll be stupid to let this one go" and on and on and on. I don't even know what my own thoughts are, what I want. And then there's the feeling of disappointing other people when I say no. Will they think i'm just weak, will I be a loser for life?
Damn...I wish i wouldn't doubt so much all the time, I wish I wouldn't think for other people, but just do my own thing, not caring so much about other people's opinions etc...But I still don't know how to change that and right now it's just fucking up my whole day...F U C K
