Well I know it's just a spring haze

I’m going to quit my job. After more than 12 years of being a teacher, never fully loving it or feeling it, it’s time to just quit. I can continue this battle for a another few years, do it for the steady income, but it will never give me the gratitude I’d like and I’m done with the anxiety, the stress, the constant feeling of “I don’t want this” “I can’t do this”. Yes, the holidays were nice, yes, a steady income is safe and secure. But for too long I’ve felt so much anxiety over this job of mine. It’s costing me so much energy, I’m so done with those school camps, the reports, the parents, the inspection etc…No more. I will quit my job and enter a scary, scary new life. But hopefully it will also bring me calm, happiness, comfort. I need a new direction, new energy. I am done. I will quit. This is it. The end of all things, the beginning of something new.

This is what I wrote down last night. I'm going to post this here. No decision has been made, but I think this is what really needs to be done. I want to post this here so it's out there, I can try to feel if this is really the right thing to do. For a while I considered turning back my hours again, work less days, but that won't change much about the entire situation, in fact, will make the urge to quit completely even stronger. Do I really have the guts though to quit this job without any future job security? Will I be able to do the end of the year meme and answer the question "What did you do this year you've never done before" with "Quiting my job WHICH WAS THE BEST DECISION EVER!!!"?

A big, big part of me feels this is what needs to be done. Teaching won't give me any more gratitude or fulfillment if I keep on doing it, but it will cause me more anxiety and just an overall feeling of "ugh". There is no passion there, it's not what I need to do for the rest of my life. It's time to enter another stage of life. For too many years I talked about not being happy with my current job, in dire need of a change etc...but nothing ever happened. Maybe this time?

I'll think about it this weekend, I'll have to make a definite decision before June 1st.

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