Well I know it's just a spring haze

I am now officially 33. Magic number and I have to say, I quite like the number. I don't feel anything like 33 whatsoever, often still feel like I'm stuck in my teens. I got a cold on my birthday though, which started last night and gave me the shittiest night of sleep. Aching muscles, full head and just overall shitty feeling. Guess the cleansing was needed?

Didn't plan to celebrate my birthday today, though mom and dad wanted to come over. But I got a surprise visit from my sister and my 2 nieces which was totally wonderful!

In desperate need to move on with my life now, for real. Forever stuck in the past which is not good. I wish life wouldn't be so damn cryptic though and was easier to understand. Maybe a session with Emil would be lovely again, just to help me put things in perspective again. For once, for instance, I'd love to get rid of all this weight, for good. I need to lose 30 kilos and I want to. I always try then fall back into old habits again. I want to know why I am overweight, why I eat the way I eat, why I can't manage to keep it off. I want to get over it and get healthy again. I want to be fine with myself again, look at pictures and see someone I actually recognize.

Also...I have no idea how to get through the rest of this week. With the amazingly awful, horrible school carnival this weekend which takes up all of my weekend. I have no idea how to actually get through it, everything inside of my body is fighting against it right now. My life is not ready for this, at all.