![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
prettygoodyear I was actually counting the days till upcoming Tuesday. The day things would make sense again, the day in which things would be a lot nicer again, softer too, calmer, friendlier. The day I would get to see Antoinette again, my wonderful oncology nurse. The 1 person who helps me to stay sane in an overwhelming world. The 1 person who knows how to always say the right things at the right time.
But she won't be there, I won't be seeing her because her dad is seriously ill. And of course she's not there, I understand that so well, but the need to see her, talk to her has never been more high than now. Tuesday was too far away even.
So much has happened. The surgery, how it was such a traumatic experience, the excruciating pain, the loneliness, and then to top it all, me finding out I won't have a class to teach anymore next year, without anyone telling me, talking to me about it, asking me about it. I just happened to read it in the minutes. I still don't know what happened there. Wrote a very angry email and so far have yet to hear back from my boss.
I feel like I went into surgery and never actually woke up from it. I'm still in this nightmare. I have no clue anymore what the fuck is happening. How can it be the end of May already? What the fuck happened? Is this my life? I don't have any control over anything anymore. I haven't had time to deal with it all and it just keeps on coming and coming and coming and I'm at this point where I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. I just don't. Nothing makes any sense anymore and I'm choking.
But she won't be there, I won't be seeing her because her dad is seriously ill. And of course she's not there, I understand that so well, but the need to see her, talk to her has never been more high than now. Tuesday was too far away even.
So much has happened. The surgery, how it was such a traumatic experience, the excruciating pain, the loneliness, and then to top it all, me finding out I won't have a class to teach anymore next year, without anyone telling me, talking to me about it, asking me about it. I just happened to read it in the minutes. I still don't know what happened there. Wrote a very angry email and so far have yet to hear back from my boss.
I feel like I went into surgery and never actually woke up from it. I'm still in this nightmare. I have no clue anymore what the fuck is happening. How can it be the end of May already? What the fuck happened? Is this my life? I don't have any control over anything anymore. I haven't had time to deal with it all and it just keeps on coming and coming and coming and I'm at this point where I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. I just don't. Nothing makes any sense anymore and I'm choking.
