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2 March 2010 16:06![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
prettygoodyearOne thing I've learned these last two weeks, is that there are many ways in which you can say 'no'. It's quite a small word, yet it requires a lot often to just use it. Say it out loud. It takes courage. I realize now that even though I've come a long way since last September, I still have a long way to go. I've learned to stand up for myself more, but still haven't been firm enough. My 'no' often is a 'no, but...' or 'no, because'. I'm explaining and apologizing too much. And people take advantage of that. Not even on purpose, but when you're not firm and powerful enough people will find a way to manipulate you, make you feel guilty and doubt yourself.
I really thought I made myself perfectly clear at work. I didn't. I tried to explain too much, still. And with that, allowed the other person to overrule me.
Last night I didn't understand a thing. I made myself clear, didn't I? How come no one listened? And I didn't want to just say 'no' because that would make a bitch.
Now I know it won't. Helping people can also mean saying 'no' to someone. With no explanation given. Just a firm 'no'. It will maybe help other people to look around more, not always focus so much on what they know and have.
Now I just need to walk into work and tell my boss I will only work in this other class for one month. Not a day longer. I will not allow him to play another guilt trip on me (the kids need stability etc...) because I deserve better than that. No one has the right to treat me the way I've been treated these two weeks. And I no longer should allow myself to be treated like this. Enough! There are loads of other options in order to solve the problem. Yes, maybe more difficult, but it is NOT MY PROBLEM! I need to stop feeling guilty about it, cause it's not helping anyone. No one cares either. And I just need to think about me.
Also need to confront the entire team I work with, with how things were handled and how that's not acceptable for me anymore. Right now I feel good about it, but I know it's a lot harder to actually be so up front. But I have to do it. For me. Because with that I will finally take in my own space in this world. A spot I deserve just as well as others do.
I really thought I made myself perfectly clear at work. I didn't. I tried to explain too much, still. And with that, allowed the other person to overrule me.
Last night I didn't understand a thing. I made myself clear, didn't I? How come no one listened? And I didn't want to just say 'no' because that would make a bitch.
Now I know it won't. Helping people can also mean saying 'no' to someone. With no explanation given. Just a firm 'no'. It will maybe help other people to look around more, not always focus so much on what they know and have.
Now I just need to walk into work and tell my boss I will only work in this other class for one month. Not a day longer. I will not allow him to play another guilt trip on me (the kids need stability etc...) because I deserve better than that. No one has the right to treat me the way I've been treated these two weeks. And I no longer should allow myself to be treated like this. Enough! There are loads of other options in order to solve the problem. Yes, maybe more difficult, but it is NOT MY PROBLEM! I need to stop feeling guilty about it, cause it's not helping anyone. No one cares either. And I just need to think about me.
Also need to confront the entire team I work with, with how things were handled and how that's not acceptable for me anymore. Right now I feel good about it, but I know it's a lot harder to actually be so up front. But I have to do it. For me. Because with that I will finally take in my own space in this world. A spot I deserve just as well as others do.
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