13 November 2007

prettygoodyear: (it would be nice if something made sense)
I guess I'm not to be taken seriously. I guess you can just do whatever you please with me. I guess I'm not *that* important when it comes to solving problems. Just do what you please, and forget about me.

Yesterday I wrote about how my boss called me to ask me if I could work today and maybe Thursday. And how I told him I would think about it. And how he didn't have time for me later that day.
So then today, when I arrived at school, some of my colleagues already knew I would be working in this other class for the rest of the week. I didn't. Then later some kids from my own class walked up to me and told me my colleague would be in our class for the rest of the week, and I wouldn't be there. Then during lunch my colleague just told someone who asked the same thing. I was shocked. WTF? So I said "Well, we should just think about it, cause I haven't made up my mind yet" Her reaction was "Oh, well...I thought...well then..."
So after school I wanted to have a chat with my boss. He just overruled me. Told me this was for the best and that was that. I wasn't asked anything. Everyone just assumes I will do it and I'm fine with it all. Everyone just assumes I can handle everything. No one asked me what I wanted. And I know the situation isn't ideal, and that a solution has to be found, but...just ignoring me?

I feel so fucking rejected and useless. I told my boss I didn't want to lose my class and he told me he was looking into something else, but it could take a while. What. The.Fuck? So I'm supposed to just take care of it? Solve it so everyone can just be okay with it, and whatever I'm not?

And really...a part of me knows that he's not a jerk, and he doesn't do it on purpose, but I feel so terrible. And I hate that I just can't stand up for myself. That I just always try to please everyone else, because what if they think I'm stupid for being so selfish?
But wow....
prettygoodyear: (Default)

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