Fucking hell
12 November 2007 16:35Got a call this afternoon from work. A colleague of mine has been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. She's been ill for a few weeks, but she never ever thought it could be this. She's only in her early 50's so that's a huge shock.
My boss instantly asked me if I could maybe work in her class tomorrow. I have to work anyway that day, so I said I was fine with it (though I'm not really). But then he told me that maybe this Thursday I should work in that class as well, and not in my own class, cause it would be better for the kids. He's right, but...I don't want to give up my own class. Thursday and Friday are the only two days I really look forward to. And I should give that up as well? And I know it sounds so selfish, but I can't be the one who has to solve the problem and then create her own issues, right?
Anyway...I told my boss I would come over later in the afternoon to talk through tomorrow and also to let him know what I wanted to to with Thursday. I arrived 20 minutes later or so and he wasn't there. So I decided to at least get tomorrow sorted out, but no one was really able to help me out "Just do this and that and you'll be fine". And I had to ask for help as well, cause no one walked up to me and asked me if they could provide me any info.
Then when I wanted to talk to my boss, they had a 'very important' meeting. He walked passed me, but said nothing.
I felt so fucking rejected and useless. And really...he isn't a fucktard at all, and I know he finds all this frustrating as well. But I can't handle this. My head is full of stuff and I feel terrible. Terrible for being so selfish etc...etc...
My boss instantly asked me if I could maybe work in her class tomorrow. I have to work anyway that day, so I said I was fine with it (though I'm not really). But then he told me that maybe this Thursday I should work in that class as well, and not in my own class, cause it would be better for the kids. He's right, but...I don't want to give up my own class. Thursday and Friday are the only two days I really look forward to. And I should give that up as well? And I know it sounds so selfish, but I can't be the one who has to solve the problem and then create her own issues, right?
Anyway...I told my boss I would come over later in the afternoon to talk through tomorrow and also to let him know what I wanted to to with Thursday. I arrived 20 minutes later or so and he wasn't there. So I decided to at least get tomorrow sorted out, but no one was really able to help me out "Just do this and that and you'll be fine". And I had to ask for help as well, cause no one walked up to me and asked me if they could provide me any info.
Then when I wanted to talk to my boss, they had a 'very important' meeting. He walked passed me, but said nothing.
I felt so fucking rejected and useless. And really...he isn't a fucktard at all, and I know he finds all this frustrating as well. But I can't handle this. My head is full of stuff and I feel terrible. Terrible for being so selfish etc...etc...
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