(no subject)
17 March 2007 20:52I feel as if I'm not on my meant to be life path. I feel empty, upset, stressed and most of all: just not happy. There were moments in the past few months I have been feeling okay-ish, but happy...truly happy? I'm often stuck in the past, and I find myself going back in time too often. I keep on telling myself the past is the past and it can't ever come back to me, but I feel too desperate to get it back.
When I think back of my three months in Ireland...well..I think that back then I was totally being me. Sure...I was longing for home a lot, and sure, there was this 'fear' inside of me as well, but...there was also this feeling of freedom inside of me. No pressure. I could enjoy the little things, but most of all: I felt connected to my inner self.
My mom tries to bring me in contact with my inner self, but it won't work.
Last week I was near the lake again, and it was quiet there, with loads of space. And it was there that I felt the connection with my inner self. But back home...there's just too many stress factors around. I feel caved.
The thing is though: I can't get the image clear as of what it is I have to do to feel me again, to feel okay again. I guess in a way I'm scared. And I know that I can go back to the lake, or the forest. But...I want to be able to come home and just experience it right there. And I know I probably complain too much etc...but I just don't know what to do, what to feel, what to think. I feel so utterly and completely lost at the moment...
When I think back of my three months in Ireland...well..I think that back then I was totally being me. Sure...I was longing for home a lot, and sure, there was this 'fear' inside of me as well, but...there was also this feeling of freedom inside of me. No pressure. I could enjoy the little things, but most of all: I felt connected to my inner self.
My mom tries to bring me in contact with my inner self, but it won't work.
Last week I was near the lake again, and it was quiet there, with loads of space. And it was there that I felt the connection with my inner self. But back home...there's just too many stress factors around. I feel caved.
The thing is though: I can't get the image clear as of what it is I have to do to feel me again, to feel okay again. I guess in a way I'm scared. And I know that I can go back to the lake, or the forest. But...I want to be able to come home and just experience it right there. And I know I probably complain too much etc...but I just don't know what to do, what to feel, what to think. I feel so utterly and completely lost at the moment...
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