Dear cancer

A year ago I found out you resided in my breast. You turned my life upside down. An innocent lump, barely 3cm in size, was turned into a massive, life size monster by you. All securities life offered me, you managed to take away from me in one go. You forced me to think about ever wanting kids of my own, about my future, my life. You managed to take away my trust in my own body. You managed to have my head work overtime. You, literally, fought a fight of life and death and you didn’t surrender easily. By that, you made me more ill than I have ever been before. I lost my hair, many kilos of body weight, and the faith I had in my own body. You played with my emotions and feelings. You often made me cry intense, desperately, because I was no longer in control of my own life. You also made me angry, because I no longer recognised my body as my own. You often took away my freedom, which, above all, is so sacred to me. You gave me permanent scars, on my body as well as on my soul. You taught me words, lines, phrases I never even knew existed. You took away my life, but in return gave me back a whole new life. You were intense, but I’m so happy you were there. Because you also brought me so much beauty. You made my life a lot simpler for instance. You showed me how surrounded I am by wonderful, caring people. You showed me how lucky I am to have such awesome parents, but also sister and nieces. You let me see that I am not alone, that there will always be people to comfort me. You also gave me a wonderful, sweet, caring oncology nurse who was so good at making things feel a lot softer a lot of times. You gave me wonderful, caring nurses and other people in the hospital. They turned visits to the hospital always into a mini party, even when there was nothing to really celebrate. They allowed me to cry when I needed to, but could also make me laugh out loud so many times. You showed me how I will always bounce right back, stronger than ever. You made me connect with my inner-self again, you taught me how to be more aware of the beauty in life, no matter how small.

It’s been an overwhelming and intense year so far, and we’re still not there. But dear cancer, I’m so grateful to you that you allowed me to experience this year. It has been, despite everything, a beautiful, wonderful year. Many thanks for that, I wouldn’t have missed it for the world, not even the lesser moments.

Currently you’re no longer residing in my body, but you’ll always be a part of my life. Every now and then, I’m sure, you’ll manage to stir things up again. And that’s alright. Because I know those moments won’t last, that in the end it will all be fine again, however that may be.

So again: thank you, for everything.