I sometimes come across people that make the hair at my back stand up. I think we all do.
Those people, somehow, manage to turn me into some kind of monster. I snap at them, try to answer their questions with the most short answers and I often think, know, I'm rude. Because I'm irritated. I know other people around me don't like certain people either, but they still manage to behave normal, act polite. My first instinct is always to shake them off as quickly as possible. Get them out of my energy. Or something.
I really don't like this about myself, and have tried many times to understand what happens and also tried many times to not let it get to me and just remain polite. But somehow it always feels like within milliseconds they manage to take my energy away, or something.
They are all adults though, so while I still don't like it, I don't get sleepless nights over it either.
However...this year there's a boy in my class. A real sad kid. Who doesn't get much love at home and is socially disturbed. He's a claimer though. And I know he's just a kid, trying to find love in any kind of way. He's just a kid and he doesn't do things on purpose.
And yet...I find it so hard to deal with him. And I do get sleepless nights over that. Cause what kind of teacher does that make me? A really bad one!
He is, like some of those adults, a human vampire. When he sits next to me, he gets into my energy and taps into it. I've tried loads of things, put an invisible screen between us, tried to place myself in some cocoon. You name it, it doesn't work. And I find it really hard to be around this kid. While he needs me so much.
I want to become a children coach/counselor. But how can I be one when I can't even deal with a child who really needs me? And what the fuck is wrong with me?
I've asked around if other people recognized bits of it, but so far no one really has.
What does this say about me? What should I change and most of all: how?
I'd like to understand what is really happening, just so that I can change it. Because everything I do now makes me feel horrible, really. But it always seems to just happen and be out of my control. Ugh...
Those people, somehow, manage to turn me into some kind of monster. I snap at them, try to answer their questions with the most short answers and I often think, know, I'm rude. Because I'm irritated. I know other people around me don't like certain people either, but they still manage to behave normal, act polite. My first instinct is always to shake them off as quickly as possible. Get them out of my energy. Or something.
I really don't like this about myself, and have tried many times to understand what happens and also tried many times to not let it get to me and just remain polite. But somehow it always feels like within milliseconds they manage to take my energy away, or something.
They are all adults though, so while I still don't like it, I don't get sleepless nights over it either.
However...this year there's a boy in my class. A real sad kid. Who doesn't get much love at home and is socially disturbed. He's a claimer though. And I know he's just a kid, trying to find love in any kind of way. He's just a kid and he doesn't do things on purpose.
And yet...I find it so hard to deal with him. And I do get sleepless nights over that. Cause what kind of teacher does that make me? A really bad one!
He is, like some of those adults, a human vampire. When he sits next to me, he gets into my energy and taps into it. I've tried loads of things, put an invisible screen between us, tried to place myself in some cocoon. You name it, it doesn't work. And I find it really hard to be around this kid. While he needs me so much.
I want to become a children coach/counselor. But how can I be one when I can't even deal with a child who really needs me? And what the fuck is wrong with me?
I've asked around if other people recognized bits of it, but so far no one really has.
What does this say about me? What should I change and most of all: how?
I'd like to understand what is really happening, just so that I can change it. Because everything I do now makes me feel horrible, really. But it always seems to just happen and be out of my control. Ugh...
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