Right...my last entry pretty much said I didn't know what to do with my life at all anymore.
Yesterday was a bad day...Well...at first it was. I got my hair cut, which was okayish. Then I had to take some pas photos (thought it was best to do so with a new, good looking haircut). Now...my self esteem is lower than low, so of course that showed in the picture. Asked for a second try, but it didn't matter. Eyes are the reflection of your soul, and it showed on the pictures. So...at that point I could cry. Cause even something as stupid as having a photo taken was something I couldn't do.
That afternoon I went to my painting class and on my way there I got a flat tire. Nothing major, but enough to make me cry.
That night my mom and dad wanted to go to some kind of healing session at this spiritual centrum. I used to go there about ten years ago, but pretty much blocked it ever since. But I decided to come along. Maybe it would give me some kind of energy boost.
Throughout the evening, in which we did some kind of meditation I was freezing cold.
When the evening came to an end all of us who where there were asked what they had experienced. I told them that I hadn't experienced much, but that I was freaking cold.
Somehow something happened cause I was told to go to one of the healers there afterwards. Which I did, though skeptical. But as soon as this woman grabbed my hand she immediately could tell what was going on with me. I hadn't told her anything, yet she knew exactly what my issues are. She gave me an energy boost and wanted to help me out some more, but time was up. But she kept on telling me "when will you speak up and show the world who you truly are? Cause you're a wonderful, beautiful person."
And now I've decided to overcome my fear of phones and call some spiritual therapist to help me out a little. I know that a real counselor isn't what I need. He would tell me I probably suffer from a burn-out and depression, that I need medication and what not. But that's not what I need. In fact...that will probably only make me feel worse about myself. And maybe that's my fear speaking, but I've met a real counselor once, and she was anything but supportive and understanding. And I don't want that ever again.
So...now I've made an appointment with this 'spiritual therapist'. It's a month away, but hopefully it will help me.
And in the mean time I'll try to speak up a little, at work, in real life.
Yesterday was a bad day...Well...at first it was. I got my hair cut, which was okayish. Then I had to take some pas photos (thought it was best to do so with a new, good looking haircut). Now...my self esteem is lower than low, so of course that showed in the picture. Asked for a second try, but it didn't matter. Eyes are the reflection of your soul, and it showed on the pictures. So...at that point I could cry. Cause even something as stupid as having a photo taken was something I couldn't do.
That afternoon I went to my painting class and on my way there I got a flat tire. Nothing major, but enough to make me cry.
That night my mom and dad wanted to go to some kind of healing session at this spiritual centrum. I used to go there about ten years ago, but pretty much blocked it ever since. But I decided to come along. Maybe it would give me some kind of energy boost.
Throughout the evening, in which we did some kind of meditation I was freezing cold.
When the evening came to an end all of us who where there were asked what they had experienced. I told them that I hadn't experienced much, but that I was freaking cold.
Somehow something happened cause I was told to go to one of the healers there afterwards. Which I did, though skeptical. But as soon as this woman grabbed my hand she immediately could tell what was going on with me. I hadn't told her anything, yet she knew exactly what my issues are. She gave me an energy boost and wanted to help me out some more, but time was up. But she kept on telling me "when will you speak up and show the world who you truly are? Cause you're a wonderful, beautiful person."
And now I've decided to overcome my fear of phones and call some spiritual therapist to help me out a little. I know that a real counselor isn't what I need. He would tell me I probably suffer from a burn-out and depression, that I need medication and what not. But that's not what I need. In fact...that will probably only make me feel worse about myself. And maybe that's my fear speaking, but I've met a real counselor once, and she was anything but supportive and understanding. And I don't want that ever again.
So...now I've made an appointment with this 'spiritual therapist'. It's a month away, but hopefully it will help me.
And in the mean time I'll try to speak up a little, at work, in real life.
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