I worry too much
14 April 2008 13:08I worry too much over stupid things. And I start to worry way too early. When I know something will come up eventually that I dread, I have sleepless nights over it months and months in advance of the actual event. It's so stupid and silly cause it just means that months and months in advance I feel horrible and anxious. I shouldn't do it, but it's hard to just not worry so much. It just seems to happen. But I hate it, cause it just means that I walk around feeling anxious most of the time, and over stupid things as well.
And what is it that I worry over so much? Well...mostly the fact that things are different than to what they normally are. Somehow I hate things that are different from a normal day. Especially when they are things I'm not comfortable with: parties that includes a whole lot of people I don't know and that require me to have small talks all through the party. I'm a very shy person when it comes to meeting strangers and I always feel uncomfortable around them. Don't know what to say, how to behave. Above all of that it always feels like I'm entering a horrible nightmare. I have to become someone that isn't me, or at least that's how it feels.
There's this school reunion this Saturday from 12.00 till 10.00. I don't know more than half of the people that will be there. I can sign up to serve drinks or foods, but not all the time. Am I required to spend the entire time there? What am I supposed to do the entire time? I dread it SO much. It costs me so much energy to deal with my own shyness, my insecure feeling but also with all the noises, sounds, energies of other people.
And most people at work are like "Oh, fun!" and I'm like "I wish I didn't have to be there. I don't want to be there."
Something I need to learn to deal with, but I find it SO hard. I hate to step out of my comfort zone. Always makes me feel even more insecure.
Wish it would be Sunday already so that at least that reunion would be finished with.
But I actually wish the entire school festival week would be over and done with so that things would get back to normal again.
And what is it that I worry over so much? Well...mostly the fact that things are different than to what they normally are. Somehow I hate things that are different from a normal day. Especially when they are things I'm not comfortable with: parties that includes a whole lot of people I don't know and that require me to have small talks all through the party. I'm a very shy person when it comes to meeting strangers and I always feel uncomfortable around them. Don't know what to say, how to behave. Above all of that it always feels like I'm entering a horrible nightmare. I have to become someone that isn't me, or at least that's how it feels.
There's this school reunion this Saturday from 12.00 till 10.00. I don't know more than half of the people that will be there. I can sign up to serve drinks or foods, but not all the time. Am I required to spend the entire time there? What am I supposed to do the entire time? I dread it SO much. It costs me so much energy to deal with my own shyness, my insecure feeling but also with all the noises, sounds, energies of other people.
And most people at work are like "Oh, fun!" and I'm like "I wish I didn't have to be there. I don't want to be there."
Something I need to learn to deal with, but I find it SO hard. I hate to step out of my comfort zone. Always makes me feel even more insecure.
Wish it would be Sunday already so that at least that reunion would be finished with.
But I actually wish the entire school festival week would be over and done with so that things would get back to normal again.
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