(no subject)

let's shock the world again with my crazy mind!!! Will I ever be content with myself? Will I ever think I'm a fine person who's worth so much? Instead of thinking I'm a worthless shit? Whatever I do, it doesn't feel like it's me who's doing it. I'm capable of so much more, yet nothing comes out. I always think other people are so much better, nicer and what not more than me. There's absolutely nothing I like about myself at all. So how the fuck am I supposed to go on here with my life? Nothing makes sense to me, I don't feel like I'm here at all anyway.
Whenever someone tells me another person has died, I get jealous somehow...cause they are gone to another world, and I'm still here. Stuck.

Then I get mad at myself, cause jeez, so many people will tell me life is what you make of it and there's so much to live for. But I don't feel it, don't feel it at all. There's so little that I think I should live for at the moment...isn't it just pathetic? I guess it is eh? Guess I'm just spoiled and a negative person who needs to start focusing on good stuff...I just wish how though...

so much for another happy post :-/